See the jokes that made Sherwood cry!!
It's the Spring of 1957 and Jeff Sherwood goes to pick up his date. He's a pretty hip guy with his own pinto. When he goes to the front door, the date's father answers and invites him in. "Ron Waterman's not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?," he says. "That's cool,” says Jeff.
Waterman's father asks Jeff what they're planning to do. Jeff replies politely that they will probably just go to the soda shop or a movie.
Waterman's father responds, "Why don't you two go out and screw? I hear all the kids are doing it."
Naturally, this comes as a quite a surprise to Jeff - so he asks Ron's Dad to repeat it. "Yeah," says Ron's father, "Ron really likes to screw; he'll screw all night if we let him!"
Well, this just made Sherwood's eyes light up, and his plan for the evening was beginning to look pretty good. A few minutes later, Ron comes downstairs in his little poodle skirt and announces that he's ready to go. Almost breathless with anticipation, Jeff escorts his date out the front door.
About 20 minutes later, Ron rushes back into the house, slams the door behind him, and screams at his father:
"DAMMIT DADDY! IT'S CALLED THE TWIST!!!"
Sharing The News
A young Jeff Sherwood had just visited his doctor and he informed him that he was pregnant. Young Jeffery had been married for ten years to Ron Waterman and had wanted a baby very badly. As he sat on the bus, on his way home, he felt that he had to share the good news with someone. The gentleman sitting next to him seemed as good as anyone to share the good news with.
Sir, he said, I just received the best news you could ever imagine. I have to share it with someone or I'll bust. Jeff told him the news that the doctor had told him about being pregnant.
The man shared his enthusiasm as he shared his experience. He said he was a farmer and he had trouble with his hens laying eggs. He stated that he went out to the hen house one morning and all of his hens had laid eggs. He was so happy. He added, "but confidentially, I changed cocks."
The newly pregnant Jeff responded, "Confidentially, me too."
Jeff Sherwood had just got married and being a traditional Redneck, he was still a virgin (in human terms). So, on his wedding night, staying at his dad's house, he was nervous. But his dad reassured him. "Don't worry, Jeff. Randy Couture’s a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take care of you."
So up he went. When he got upstairs, Randy took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Sherwood ran downstairs to his pa and says, "Papa, Papa, Randy's got a big hairy chest."
"Don't worry, Jeff," says the dad," all good men have hairy chests. Go upstairs. He'll take good care of you."
So, up he went again. When she got up in the bedroom, Couture took off his pants exposing his hairy legs. Again, Jeff ran downstairs to his dad. "Papa, papa, Randy took off his pants and he's got hairy legs!"
"Don't worry. All good men have hairy legs. Randy's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take good care of you."
So up he went again. When he got up there, Randy took off his socks and on his left foot he was missing three toes. When Jeff saw this, he ran downstairs. "Papa, Papa, Randy's got a foot and a half!"
"Stay here and stir the possum," says the father. "This is a job for Papa."
Doctor’s routine check up
During a routine checkup, a doctor told his patient Jeff Sherwood that masturbating before sex often helped men last longer during the act. The man decided, "What the hell, I'll try it."
He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it. He couldn't do it in his office. He thought about the restroom, but that was too open. He considered an alley, but figured that was too unsafe.
Finally, Jeff realized his solution. On his way home, he pulled his truck over on the side of the highway. He got out and crawled underneath as if he was examining the truck. Satisfied with the privacy, he undid his pants and started to masturbate.
He closed his eyes and thought of his lover Ken Shamrock. As he grew closer to orgasm, he felt a quick tug at the bottom of his pants. Not wanting to lose his mental fantasy or the orgasm, he kept his eyes shut and replied, "What?"
He heard, "This is the police. What's going on down there?"
The man replied, "I'm checking out the rear axle, it's busted."
Then came the reply, "Well, you might as well check your brakes too while you're down there because your truck rolled down the hill 5 minutes ago."
Jeff Sherwood and Jose Pele are riding next to each other in first class. Pele sneezes, pulls out his penis and wipes the tip off. Sherwood can't believe what he just saw and decides he is hallucinating.
A few minutes pass. Pele sneezes again. He pulls out his penis and wipes the tip off. Sherwood is about to go nuts. He can't believe that such a rude person exists.
A few more minutes pass. Pele sneezes yet again. He takes his penis out and wipes the tip off.
Jeff Sherwood has finally had enough. Jeff turns to Pele and says, "Three times you've sneezed, and three times you've removed your penis from your pants to wipe it off! What the hell kind of degenerate are you?"
Pele replies, "I am sorry to have disturbed you tubby. I have a very rare condition such that when I sneeze, I have an orgasm." Sherwood, now feeling badly, says, "Oh, I'm sorry. What are you taking for it?"
Pele looks at Jeff and says, "Pepper."
Three generations of prostitutes are talking.
Jeff Sherwood says, “Times are so hard, I only get twenty bucks for a homosexual blowjob.” His father says, “Yeah? When I started, I only got two bucks for a gay blowjob.” His Grandpa says, “Heh heh. When I was walking the streets, things were so bad we used to suck cock just to get something warm in our stomachs.”
A police officer was patrolling the highway when he sees Jeff Sherwood tied up to a tree, crying. The officer stops and approaches Jeff. "What's going on here?", he asks. Sherwood sobs, "I was driving and picked up a hitchhiker. He pulled a gun on me, robbed me, took all my money, my clothes, my car and then tied me up." The cop studied Sherdog for a moment, and then pulled down his pants and whipped out his dick. "I guess this isn't your lucky day, pal!"
“The lady formerly Known As Ron Waterman” goes to the doctor's office and tells the doctor that she can't get her husband to have sex with her anymore. So, the doctor gives her some pills and says to give her husband one each night in his dinner whenever she wants to have sex. That night she gave him one and they had a decent night of sex. The next night she decided to try 4 pills and she had even better sex. Well the next night she tried 8 pills and the sex was wonderful. So the next night she decided to dump the whole bottle in his dinner. The next day her adopted son TannerBJJ showed up at the doctor's office and said, "Doctor, Doctor, what did you do to my Daddy? My mom's dead, my sister's pregnant, my butt hurts, and my dad's going around saying here kitty, kitty, kitty!"
FROM THE PAGES OF CARNAL SALVATION’S DIARY:
My Lover Jeff Sherwood has a Dog named "Tank" and he spoils that little bitch rotten.
He pays so much more attention to that thing than he does to me.
All that I wanted was a little attention...
Yesterday I snuck into his house and locked the dog in the basement.
I then stripped off all my clothes, and put on Tanks collar and leash.
I took a piss on the floor and then lay quietly on the cold tile waiting for his return.
When I heard him at the front door,
I walked over to him on all fours and licked his boots.
He was a little shocked at first but he seemed to really like my little game.
I followed him into the kitchen as he patted me on the head,
filling the Dog bowl with canned dog food and water.
I gratefully licked the bowl clean as he watched.
"Good Girl," he praised.
As he started up the stairs he noticed my puddle on the floor.
"Bad Girl Tank," he said,
as he pushed my head down and my nose into my own urine.
"You Know Better!"
"Now I'm going to have to teach you a lesson!"
He removed his belt slowly as he held tight to my collar.
With all his strength he whacked me three times on my bare behind
as I flinched and whimpered.
"Sorry Girl," he said as he gently caressed my ass.
"Didn't mean to hurt you that bad!"
He got behind me and licked where my skin was starting to welt.
His tongue working it's way between my ass cheeks and down to my hot hard cock.
I felt shivers of his animal love up and down my spine.
I wanted more…
He pulled down his pants and fucked me on the floor.
Holding my ass in the air as I barked like a dog,
he rammed his cock into me.
I bet he gets this every night
Q: Why was Sherdog spotted at Petsmart?
A: He heard you could get 2 dogs for the price of one!!
Q: What's white and used to stick up dog's but?
A: Sherdog's 2 inch penis !!
Q: What did the man at the park say to Sherdog?
A: Have you seen my dog?!!
Q: How can you tell if Sherdog has company?
A: There's a miniature Christmas Village on his lawn with a sign that reads "Get your dog's picture taken with Santa Claus"!!
MasterCard Makes a New Commercial Based on MMA
Tickets to the UAF show: $35...
2nd generation Sherdogwear T-shirt: $20…
TapouT decal: $10…
Seeing sherdog pissing his pants in the fetal position under a TapouT table after some bikers cause a riot: priceless!
MasterCard; don’t leave home without it!!